This is an excerpt at one of my attempts to crank out a story that has been bouncing around in my head. This actual excerpt will be included in a book of short stories that is almost complete. I'd appreciate any critique anyone is willing to offer. I've noticed many people here tend to lean towards the supportive veiwpoints. Those are great, but I'm looking for something more substantial if possible. At the least I hope you enjoy this tidbit.Ra's testThe music blared from behind the closed door of the club. “Origami” was a very upscale nightspot for the well-off and the pretending. The music was so loud that Josh could hardly hear the person on the other end of his phone call. The small droplets of rain didn’t help his mood either.“Yeah! Yeah! Listen babe. I’m outside Origami’s right now….” Hollered Josh as he smashed the cell phone close to his ear. “I can’t promise that I’m stopping by tonight. Listen, I told you that I wasn’t looking for anything serious…. What?! …. I can’t hear you!” Josh said with an irritated tone.He looked around for some quiet spot to talk. All the surrounding stores were closed at this time of night. The only place he could find, remotely quiet, was the ally adjacent to the nightclub.“Listen babe, you are really blowing my night.” Josh said insensitively. “I’m a free spirit. I told you this when things started!”All of a sudden, the phone was pulled away from Josh’s ear. “Excuse me sweetheart, but lover boy, here, will have to call you back.” Said a guy, now holding Josh’s phone. With a click, the cell phone was closed and the conversation ended.“Hey!” screamed Josh. “What is your problem, douche bag?! Do you know who I am?”The man remained quiet as Josh yelled. He seemed more interested in the chic and expensive phone that Josh owned. Then he replied. “No I don’t have any idea who you are but that’s all in the works. Check ‘em out Sweets.”Suddenly Josh’s arms were harshly restrained by two other unseen men. He immediately began to fight and squirm to no avail. One of the men holding his arms reached down into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. “His name is Joshua J. Pinbrook.1425 Masey Avenue. Apartment 3C.” Announced the restrainer.“Thanks Sweets” replied the stranger with the cell phone. “Well, Joshua J. Pinbrook, 1425 Masey Avenue. Apartment 3C. I’ve never heard of you. Should I know you, Joshua J. Pinbrook?”“Listen guys, what do you want?” asked Josh. “Money? I can get you money.”“Ha!, he’s got twenty in his wallet.” Laughed one of his restrainers. “Seems like a fraud to me, Tee.”“I agree.” Replied Tee. Things were quiet for what seemed like hours as Tee scrolled through the names in Josh’s cell phone. “You know what, Joshua Pinbrook? Every weekend the club is packed with guys pretending to be rich or important just to score some drunk spoiled rich girl ass. Now I figured that if you all had money to splurge on drinks in our neighborhood, you would also have some to give back to less fortunate.”“Hell yeah! That less fortunate is us, Bitch!” Laughed the other guys holding Josh’s arms.“Chris! Will you be quiet!” Interjected Tee with a sharp look of irritation. “I’m talking here. Class is in session!”“Why you gotta go and tell him my name?” replied Chris“Dog, It ain’t gonna matter in a minute. Will you just hold him and shut up!” Chris didn’t reply to Tee’s order. Instead he held Josh’s arm tighter with a sense of trepidation.“Please…” murmured Josh. He couldn’t free his arms. Josh could normally talk his way out of tight situations. His adult life solely revolved around talking dumb blondes out of their clothes and small business owners out of their savings. It probably wouldn’t be as bad if these guys were exacting revenge on behalf of someone he duped previously. No. This wasn’t revenge. He had become a victim himself and that hurt just as much as what he anticipated was to come.“ Now I’m a teacher of sort.” Said Tee, once again focusing his attention on Josh. “This neighborhood is my class. Now, Twenty dollars isn’t nearly enough to give you a passing grade, but it’s more than a enough for the lesson I’m about to give you.”Tee looked both ways down the dark alley for anyone that could witness his lesson. There was no one. He unzipped his coat to reveal a dirty lead pipe that was secure by his belt. Josh began to squirm vigorously. Regardless to how much he felt his life deserved this end, his heart just wasn’t ready to stop beating. Josh began fighting even more. Sweets’ massive arm choked him into position. It was futile. His face was now partially facing the dark sky. Cool beads of rain landed on Josh’s face. There was no way he could enjoy the wisp of coolness at these last moments.Josh finally gave into Sweets’ overwhelming grasp. He no longer fought for air. He just began to hope it would be over soon enough. That was when he saw it. It was death himself. A dark and ominous figure landed behind Tee. “Is this what all people see when they die?” Thought Josh.Tee raised the pipe high in the air and stared directly at Josh. Josh slowly closed his eyes. The last thing he saw before hid eyes were fully shut, was another hand grasp the pipe that Tee held high in the air. Josh heard what appeared to be a tussle, but he refused to open his eyes. A second later, air once again flooded his lungs. Sweets had release the choke hold from his throat. Josh fell to his hands and knees. The scuffle continued while josh fought off the urge to pass out.The sounds of fighting had, once again, receded. Slowly, Josh opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Tee lying on the ground staring back at him. There was no emotion in his eyes. He was dead. Josh looked up to see the true face of death, but in death’s place stood Ra. Ra exerted a presence that towered over Josh. His entire outfit was black. He looked like the king of crime. Josh immediately disregarded his assumptions of his savior. He held something underneath his arm that Josh took no interest in, whatsoever. The man saving his life was the only thing that mattered.“Get up.” Instructed Ra in a voice that seemed out of place, considering the situation.Josh nodded his head again in an attempt to take in the whole incident. “Thank you.” He noticed that a large body lay motionless at Ra’s feet. “That must that, Chris bastard. Yeah, he got what he deserved!” Josh thought to himself.“Get up.” Ra repeated with the same calm and out of place voice.This time Josh gathered his composure and stood up. His balance was slightly off due to the stranglehold he recently been freed of.. “Thanks, mister.” Panted Josh. “I…I don’t have much to repay you with…”“You’ve got plenty.” Interjected Ra. Josh finally noticed what Ra held underneath his arm. It was Sweets, the third mugger that attacked josh. Ironically, Ra held Sweets in a stranglehold not much different than the one Josh had recently experienced. “You’ve got something that I am really interested in.”Josh didn’t understand. “Sure, man. Whatever you want.” Josh figured he couldn’t want anything worse than what these guys were going to give him.“I’ve got a few questions that I think you can help me answer.”“Anything.” Panted Josh.“Are you happy that I saved your life?” Asked Ra.“I would be dead if you hadn’t come along.”Ra dismissed Josh’s answer. “I need to know if that fight for life is still inside you.” Said Ra with a brash look of skepticism in his eye. Ra release Sweets from his choke hold. Sweets hit the ground with both hands. Instead of attacking Ra, he bolted, wholeheartedly, into the dark shadows of the alley.“There is no exit that way.” Uttered Ra. All the while, Ra looked at Josh with a vacant stare. “You should know these alleys, big guy. You live in this neighborhood.”After a moment of silence, Sweets reappeared from the darkness. “You proved your point, man.” Begged Sweets. Sweets was, at least, nine inches taller than Ra, but the strength that Ra displayed while holding him in that chokehold proved to Sweets that this wasn’t someone he wanted to tangle with. The fact that both of his partners in crime lay broken one the wet alley pavement didn’t make things too reassuring either. Sweets figured his best option, for now, was to keep a good distance between this man in all black and himself and wait.Ra stepped closer to Josh. He sized Josh up and then looked him deep into the eyes. “I need answers.” Said Ra. “ I need to know whether this city has what it takes to stand on it’s own. To stand without me.” Ra poked Josh in his chest as he continued to speak. “You are going to answer that question for me.”“I don’t under…”“Now, I’m going to leave this alley.” Ra interrupted. “I am going to be standing at the entrance. I’m only going to let one of you out of this alley. After that man leaves, I’m coming back in here to take care of whoever is left.”“This is crazy!” yelled Josh. Josh looked directly at Ra. Momentarily, Ra stared back, but then turned to look at Sweets. Josh turned to look at Sweets also. Vaguely, Josh could see the large framed man rummaging through the trash. Then Sweets stood erect with what appeared to be a large 2x4 plank. Josh turned back to talk things over with Ra. “Listen!” Josh cried. “I got a family.. I… I… got a wife…!”“You have about five seconds to decide on whether you live or die in the dirt.” Ra returned. “Now fellas, please don’t do anything ugly until I leave. I wouldn’t wont to be a witness to anything illegal.”Josh fell back against the wall. He could not believe the situation that stood before him. “This entire world is crazy.” He thought.Ra turned and exited the alley, as he said he would. He stood at the alley’s mouth for a few moments. A few screams could be heard from within its dark interiors. Ra was disappointed. “That wasn’t the best test, I guess.” Said Ra, to himself. He tried to determine whether or not this pitiful city deserved the direction he had to offer. His eagerness for answers got the best of him. This back alley slaughter wasn’t going to tell him anything. He would have to set up a more controlled environment in order to truly get answers.The chaos had subsided from within the alley. Ra stared back into the shadows. He figured Sweets had torn this young punk apart in attempts to assure he could get out alive. That notion made him feel a little better. It meant he didn’t have to go back into the alley to clean things up.“Hey!” announced an unfamiliar voice to Ra’s left side. Ra turned to see a partially drunk girl standing in the door to the club. “If she ain’t here by now, she ain’t comin.”Ra smirked at the girl’s absurd statement. “Maybe you’re right.”“Fuck her!” exclaimed the girl. “She doesn’t deserve a guy like you.” Ra walked over to the intoxicated women. “You know what would really piss here off?”“I don’t know, but you’re gonna tell me aren’t you?”“Damn straight, I’m gonna tell you.” Slurred the women. “You, buying me and my girl another round. I know that’d piss me off.”Ra grabbed the girls arm and helped her back into the club. Maybe this was a crazy sign. This may have been a sign that the night was over. No need to worry about anymore questions tonight. Answers would come soon enough. Ra, now focused on the last days he could get away with this balancing act between good and evil. “Sure, next round’s on me.”Ra abandoned the mouth of the alley along with any results from his experiment. Partially upset with his haphazard attempt to ask the questions. Partially scared of the answers.
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