Scrapped scene from my "Medjay" story

Below is a scene which was originally going to be the opening scene of my "Medjay" story, but I've decided to scrap it for reasons explained at the bottom of this post. Hopefully people will still enjoy it...

***

A cool nocturnal wind howled across the city of Waset in southern Kemet. Most of the people had retired to their mudbrick homes for the night, but their defenders, the warriors known as Medjay, still stirred. They either patrolled the torch-lit streets or guarded important buildings such as temples and nobles’ estates. In the case of Sheftu and Emsaf, it was the Temple of Amun they were protecting.

These two individuals stood in front of the Temple’s towering front pylon, equipped with bows and bronze swords. Sheftu was a tall, slender woman whose skin was dark umber in color whereas Emsaf was a burly man with a honey-brown complexion; both had gained muscle from years of training and exercise. The two intensely studied the road and buildings before them for the slightest movement.

Or they had been…Sheftu had to admit that her eyelids were growing heavy, as were her weapons. Her feet ached from all the standing. Only her commitment to her mission kept her from collapsing into sleep, and even that was wearing thin with time.

“When are they going to change the guard?” she whispered. “They should’ve done it long ago.”

“I think that too, but complaining does nothing,” Emsaf said. “Besides, who knows, something exciting might happen any moment now.”

“If only.”

Like many of her fellow Medjay, Sheftu had chosen the career out of a hunger for adventure and action. So far, however, her appetite had not been slaked. Most of the miscreants she had brought to justice were mere pickpockets, drunkards, and embezzlers, not the ferocious bandits she had anticipated fighting. Still deep within her mind was the spark of optimism that this would change, but even that had dimmed.

The silence of the night was broken by a low growl. Upon hearing it, Sheftu was awakened to full alert. Her neck hairs prickled and her heart began to throb faster.

“What was that?” she asked Emsaf.

“By Amun, I’ve no idea,” Emsaf said, wide-eyed just like her. “It sounded almost like a lion.”

“A lion this deep into town? Impossible!”

There was another growl. It was slightly louder than the last, as if the thing which had made the noise had drawn nearer. Whatever it was, it clearly was not a lion---that much Sheftu knew.

Her curiosity piqued, the female Medjay began to step away from where she had stood, but Emsaf grabbed her by the shoulder before she had gotten far.

“We cannot leave our post!” he said.

“I won’t be away for long, I promise. You can stay here.”

Emsaf shrugged. “Fine. But be careful.”

And so Sheftu, unsheathing her bronze sword, stole down the street, carefully scanning the alleyways branching off it as she moved. The growling continued to send icy serpents slithering around her spine. As time passed it grew louder, which she knew meant she was heading towards it. That raised her heartbeat to the point when it sounded like war drums being pounded furiously.

Then, peering into a dark alley, the woman spied a pair of yellow eyes staring at her, glowing brighter than the torches’ fire. Sheftu was so stunned that she froze as still as a statue. And yet the Medjay was in for an even greater strike of horror when the eyes’ owner crawled out into her street…

A four-legged creature, it did vaguely resemble an oversized lion, especially its head, but that had long ivory daggers for upper fangs. The mane was made not of hair but of writhing snakes’ tails and the body was covered with glistening red scales. Black sabers stuck out from the paws and a scorpion-like barb from the long tail’s tip. The animal’s steamy breath stank of rotten flesh.

“What in Sutekh’s name are you?” Sheftu gasped.

The creature did not answer. Instead, after lowering its body to build momentum, it sprang forward and pounced on her. The Medjay writhed her body to free herself, but the monster’s great weight pinned her down. She could think of only one other way out: fight back. Repeatedly she struck her attacker’s breast with her weapon, but every time the blade was deflected by scales.

“Why won’t you get in?” she cursed in frustration.

Only when she luckily hit a groove between these scales was she able to drive the sword in. An eardrum-shattering roar escaping it, the beast recoiled. This allowed Sheftu to slide out from under it and jump back onto her feet.

Again the animal launched itself towards the Medjay, but this time she was able to dodge it. Dust flew up when the predator landed. Sheftu then lunged towards the creature to stab it again. But, with one sideward swing of its tail, it knocked her off her feet and sent her crashing against a building’s wall.

The warrior groaned from back-racking pain as she tried to push herself back up. At the same time the monster was charging towards her with its reeking jaws agape. The sheer terror of this sent a rush of desperate power through Sheftu’s veins. Now that she was energized, she slashed across the beast’s mouth with her sword.

The Medjay’s antagonist raised its bleeding head and released another agonized roar. While it did so, its prey decided to press her advantage by thrusting her sword at its breast. She wanted to stab its heart. Alas, the creature, with a swipe of its paw, slapped her away.

Sheftu worried that her bones may have been broken from the impact. To her relief, they weren’t. She managed to jump back up and thought about how she would attack next. Where was another vulnerable spot on this animal? She had to find one quickly, but fear scrambled up her thinking.

Before she could calculate her strategy, the monster started towards her again. It raised its paw for another swipe. The woman knew that one slash of those long claws could kill her, but she, too dumbstruck by terror, froze.

Interrupting this was the whistle of an arrow that plunged its head into the creature’s tail. Looking past the beast, Sheftu saw to her delight that Emsaf had entered the scene with his bow.

“Need some help there?” he shouted over to her.

The animal twirled around, sprang towards Emsaf, and pinned him down just as it had Sheftu. The female Medjay watched her friend fend off their enemy’s jaws with his bow’s grip. When the bow finally snapped, Sheftu was stung by horror for her companion. If she didn’t act now, his gullet would be stabbed by those fangs.

The woman, letting out a warlike shriek, shot towards the monster’s head and punctured its skull’s top. Her blade had sunk deep enough to split the brain, so the monstrosity finally collapsed with a loud thud. It was dead at last.

“Are you all right?” Sheftu asked Emsaf as she pulled him back up.

“Do you have any idea what that...animal was?” he panted back.

Just as Sheftu opened her mouth, she was interrupted by a hissing sound. She looked at the creature’s corpse and saw, to her shock, that its flesh was evaporating into black smoke as boiling water evaporates into steam. Not a trace of it remained after a short moment.

“That…could not have been a mortal beast,” the female warrior said. “Only a priest would know of such things.”

Emsaf’s eyes suddenly widened as if shocked by something. “That reminds me, we need to check the Temple!”

The two Medjay hurried back to the Temple of Amun and entered it, running back halls lined with limestone columns until they reached the building’s main chamber. Normally this would contain a golden sculpture of Amun, the Supreme Creator, which brilliantly reflected the orange light of oil lamps, but Sheftu and Emsaf were horrified to find that it was nowhere to be seen.

“Holy Neteru---it’s gone!” Emsaf said. “What happened to it?”

“Someone must have stolen it in our absence,” Sheftu said back. “Now the world shall suffer because of us!”

Sheftu did not sleep well that night, for she was too consumed by worry. With the idol of Amun, the Highest of the Neteru, gone, Kemet would be thrown into chaos as terrible catastrophes racked it like the pain she still felt from the monster’s attacks. There was also a lesser worry about how the Hem Neter of Amun would react to the news. How on earth would she explain it?

***

Now onto why I've chosen to scrap the scene. I did some research on what sort of things would have happened at night in an ancient city, and I learned that there were no street lights in ancient times, so the Medjay wouldn't have been able to see the creature well enough to fight it. Also, it occurred to me that a roaring monster in the middle of a city would wake a lot of people up.

Oh well, it was a nice writing exercise anyway.

E-mail me when people leave their comments –

You need to be a member of Blacksciencefictionsociety to add comments!

Join Blacksciencefictionsociety