I'm not old school by nature, I came into this way because someone has to hold the line. There was a convergence between cell phone camera people and reality show folks. Scared the heck out of me. They copied the flash dancers and instead of converging in a mall, they have an internet channel. The technology is intrusive, they put their cams on ID cards to wear around the neck, on head bands, buttons, badges and trinkets. There is a rival group who wear flexible video monitors but I believe this is a tele-tubbie cult.
I watched with horror as the reality of the unscripted real opened before me, first a safari where the cam caught poachers. Then the poachers captured the cam and that scene played out.
The rock climbers, the roller-coaster riders, the base jumpers, adrenalin junkies all. Fine when all is well but when disaster is live and real, "that's entertainment".
I watched with morbid curiosity as it all went south. Today voyeurism hit the mainstream, people being real, I've had enough. It takes 20 minutes to get into any building, they search you for weapons, drugs and cameras.
There are rolling video blackouts to regulate the amount of time people can spend in front of their monitors. I was walking down the street, passed a TV store, as I approached each monitor it blanked out, returning to life after I passed. It must be my time, I thought.
I was mad and tired and fed up. My revenge on the state of video life had come. I reached into the back of the bottom desk drawer and pulled out "the Twinkie", perfectly preserved in the original unopened celluloid humidor, a vintage unknown. I could have swapped it for a fresh one but the irony of this was too cool, still springy. I went to the roof and placed it precariously on the edge, snap. Then on a bridge where the current and roar make it all sway, snap. To the zoo's lion's den and in a welder's hand, torch sparking, snap, snap. Under the bus wheel and in every place of risk. In my final yet still unfinished episode I tore off the wrapper, moved it toward my mouth and blanked out the video. The Net went wild, request for the ending, sequels and bids for a bite of the other vintage Twinkie. There was a run of Twinkie costumes and vintage Airstream trailers (painted yellow), police stopped eating donuts, the cupcake became obsolete.
I was arrested for messing with people's minds in a public space. Sentenced to 10 years probation, no cameras and a Twinkie restraining order.
What's become of the other Twinkie? Smithsonian, in a crate, next to the.............. mummified Egyptian yellow sponge cake thing of Tut's.
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