Mr. President-Elect:First, Congratulations on your victory! I personally voted for you as many times as I could!I forget who said every time a black man is elected president, a meteor hits the Earth; this isn’t quite accurate, but it does seem that whenever a person of color is principal resident of the White House, disaster is not far behind. You have already inherited a disaster eight years in the making, but who knows what may still be lurking out there? So when you and Michelle get some down time, you might want to watch some of these films and pick up some pointers from your predecessors.Actually, you may really be the second black/biracial president; Warren Harding (1921-23) may be the first. It was said his great-grandmother was a black woman and rumors that the Harding family "was black” circulated widely in their section of Ohio. These allegations were dismissed as “propaganda from political opponents”—much the same way “rumors” of Thomas Jefferson’s “relationship” with Sally Hemmings had been dismissed in his day. It was on Harding’s watch that the so-called Teapot Dome Scandal occurred, a series of high crimes and misdemeanors ranging from accepting bribes and illegal no-interest loans to operating an underground alcohol and drug distribution network. While it seems Harding did not participate in or profit from these activities, he also seems to have been unable to stop them, once remarking, "I have no trouble with my enemies, but my damn friends, they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights!" And, he had a thing for the ladies…(Lesson: Keep an eye on your homies! And keep it zipped.)Douglas Dillman (James Earl Jones, The Man, 1972) became president because he was next in the line of succession after everybody ahead of him was either dead or incapacitated. Dillman's presidency was hampered by white racists, black political activists, an attempted assassination and impeachment.(Lesson: See above. And watch your back.)David Palmer (Dennis Haysbert, 24, 2001-05) was targeted for assassination during his first run for the presidency. After his election, he dealt with a nuclear attack on Los Angles, a bioterrorist attack on Los Angeles and a potential coup by his cabinet. In order to save his brother Wayne from the consequences of an affair, he did not seek a second term, but he did help the new president thwart a plot to melt down every nuclear reactor in the United States. He was assassinated in Los Angeles by conspirators hoping to unleash nerve gas... in Los Angeles. And his wife was a real biyotch.(Lesson: Stay away from LA. Make sure Michelle is happy. And keep Jack Bauer on speed dial.)Wayne Palmer (D.B. Woodside, 24, 2006) was elected largely on the strength of his brother's reputation. He dealt with simultaneous terrorist nuclear attacks on the United States and was critically injured in an assassination attempt. His cabinet also initiated a coup.(Lesson: Keep Jack Bauer on speed dial.)Tom Bell (Morgan Freeman, Deep Impact, 1998) had to implement a radical survival plan for the United States when an Extinction Level Event (an asteroid striking the Earth) occurs.(Lesson: You’ve got a private plane always on stand by. Don’t be afraid to use it. And keep your eyes on the road.)In the year 2263, President Lindberg (Tommy "Tiny" Lister, The Fifth Element, 1997) is Chief Executive of the Federation (no, not that “Federation”) and must take steps to prevent the Great Evil from destroying the universe.(Lesson: Keep Bruce Willis on speed dial. And Chris Tucker on a leash.)Honorable Mention: An unnamed President (Martin Landau, By Dawn's Early Light, 1990), blinded by the nuclear blast believed to have been killed him, must regain control of the country in order to stop a nuclear war. It is indicated that he is Jewish. Matthew Santos (Jimmy Smits, The West Wing, 2004-06) becomes the first Latino president; Benjamin Castillo (Benito Martinez, The Unit, 2008- ) becomes the second. And in the representational minority corner, Allison Taylor (Cherry Jones, 24, 2008- ) becomes the first woman POTUS.(Lessons: If you’re caught in a nuclear attack, don’t look out the window. And keep Jack Bauer on speed dial.)
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