Hi BSFS !
My name is T.Servant (pronounced in your best French accent) and I have been lurking for about two weeks. Before I continue though I thought it was funny that the Racial issues section was somewhat hidden. I can't help but think that it was done on purpose.
The reason I came to post here today so early in the morning is because I just got in a heated exchange with a relative about my opinion on race relations today. To start, it was my sister and I am the older brother so nothing I say necessarily matters. Having moved a lot growing up, we never really faced racial discrimination. I'm now 26 and she is 24. I did eventually face some and well it's funny but you never know how to feel. Most people, I think, tend to find out that being Black means something at much younger ages at least before the age of ten. Well, in this politically correct world we live in, no one can rightly say WHY they don't prefer to interact with you so instead if you aren't raised in a cultured environment like some people you can never really know that you are indeed different for very obvious reasons.
As stupid as this sounds, I'm afraid to say that it is just the truth. My parents, both fearing the ramifications of appearing racist and one being black, the other white, both were unable to really frame how I should grow up. Also, there were some prejudices in both my Black and White family so I suppose the proper way to "culture" a mulatto was just ignored. Furthermore my parents were divorced. Since I never really heard too many references to race in either the White or Black household, suffice to say, it never occurred to me that it should matter until about two years ago.
The reason I am saying all this is because my younger sister is still very much in "the wild". Considering how hard this has been on me, I decided I would only hint at it in minor ways. I suggested some interesting reads and overall tried to be as discreet about it as possible. I really didn't want her to go through the massive retroactive re-interpretation of her childhood and past the way I have been these last few years. But since it had been about one year since I started making minor hints and since she had just found herself without any major support from "whites" who were nice to her for as long as they could be without saying anything hurtful or disrespectful (people that I think genuinely do care about her and for her) eventually she has found herself on her own once again.
So not too long ago I got in a big long rant with her about why she should start taking her race seriously. I tried to keep my own prejudices about our upbringing in the background and for the most part this is what I managed to do. I don't really care who she dates or talks to racially. I have my personal opinions on the matter but considering the sort of upbringing we've had, it would be completely unfair to put that on her. Instead, I simply gave her some knowledge. No, not of the Blacks of ancient egypt, etymology surrounding the use of the word "kemet" in egyptian writings, the dna percentage of African in all people of Jewish descent nor did I reference the myriad of long speakers and pop cultural icons that today have used the influence of their voices to essentially tell everyone of African descent to, stay black. I figure these sorts of debates are best had by people that are, well, hate to say it, Black.
There was a book I read too long ago that I had also suggested but she ultimately ignored called, The Black Notebooks by a Toi Derricot. No this isn't a plug. The reason I bring it up because like her, I myself if I wore a hat would be indistinguishable from a white person. I've actually tested this out on college campuses, relishing to some extent in the fear I see in the eyes of younger white men who realize after I remove my hat that I am not one of their own; but I digress. The book ultimately concluded one thing about Black people who operate as if race differences are non-existent. She argues that this behavior is evidence of some sort of insanity and considering the cultural acknowledgement of foreign peoples with members of their own kind when they bump into one another in the United States, I think it's safe to say that maybe this author is correct. If any one has ever wondered just what sort of deluded mindset a Black that could technically pass for White like myself might have, I'd say that book isn't a bad place to start. Suffice to say, choosing a single race has been helpful psychologically in a LOT of ways. In case you're wondering, I chose Black.
I don't know if anyone has ever had the privilege of snapping someone out of a color-blind trance but it is a challenge. This time as I inched closer and closer to the topic of race with regards to family, shit was flung both ways and well, my 24 year old sister ultimately told me that I was a closed-minded ignoramus that needed to have his head checked. My sister is probably right in a lot of ways but honestly, I can't afford to be too prideful on this. I was originally handling it carefully but since she lives in a mostly Asian community and isn't too dark (tho darker than me of course. much more than me. I'm actually whiter than a lot of white people to be honest), she hasn't had to face the realities of her race. I really do hate to say it but, race hasn't been enough of an issue in my family and sadly, I am convinced that even though I don't care much for it myself, it's a fact of life that in this country cultures differ according to various factors race simply being one of them. I don't want my sister to be like me. I want my sister to see that well, even though things have changed, there ARE sides. I would even go so far as to say that not knowing them can be more dangerous in the long run than being on the wrong one at the wrong time.
It's just mentally this mixed mindset correlates too well with television and education so it's easy to get caught up. But in my opinion, it's not reality. It's an idealist fantasy that people of a single race can fantasize or be disgusted about, but it's hardly the way the world is or has ever been...unless you count Babel.
I don't know if anyone here has really felt themselves tasked with this sort of dilemma. I don't even care if she decides to be "white" so long as she chooses something just socially and psychologically. I really do think it could be damaging to her if she doesn't choose. Not knowing the implications of race differences has caused a lot of problems for me; a lot that I didn't even recognize.
So what I was maybe wondering was anything I could say to her to help her out or is it a lost cause. I figure since she's 24 and rebuilding her life, it might be useful for her to know her place so she doesn't have to fall apart again and just not have anyone around with the heart to tell her simply it's because she's not White. She's employed, hardworking, etc...But when I've met with some of her beloved "white friends" they've all essentially hinted to me pretty directly that they're tired of taking care of someone else's black person and it's not her fault. Me and her have been fed some extremely warped views of the world so our parents could justify dating out side the race. What I mean by that is, in order to hide the shame of dating outside the race, our parents made no mention of race ever. In other words, we were their mistakes.
I have held that this is the past. I was just wondering what the best way to break someone out of the Matrix is. After tonight's quarrel, I don't think me and my sister are going to speak for a while.
Thanks in Advance.
T.Servant
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