~~ Today I am writing about my most recent journey to "Madame Sung Choi's house of Needful things and Pawn Shop emporium" Quite a place..
I walked in, bounding and so ready ..so dam ready to pick up my heart for which I pawned some 13 years ago. As I walked throughout the shop, some new and old oddities struck my attention as things in this shop always do.
Hmmmm the worn and tattered band of leather, simply called the "humility bracelet" always catches my eye. I usually try it on just so that some of that essence can rub off on me.
I avoid like the plague, the mirror "of self indulgence" most don't notice the plaque above it until they have fully gazed into it.. and then its a bit too late..
aaahhhh here we are, the loves lost and found section...you know you are here when you see the sign above your head that reads
"If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater."
As i move through the section, I see that the good madame has added more thoughtful sayings to adorn the "Needful things" that people covet...
I picked up one, a very nice and un assuming pen. Light to the touch, but was inscribed "He who tries to forget a woman, never loved her."
hmmm I thought, and pondered those words for a moment...
"aaahhhh mr james, you have picked up a pen that weighs an easy 60lbs, the weight is of a heavy heart, but you have no heart for love of a woman so it weighs nothing to you now does it?
I turned to see what little troll was bothering me again, and but of course it was the madame.
"So mR James ...you do know I totally enjoy ..how does my grand daughter say..Play with your head hehehe"
"ahhh Ms Choi u do play with it well, so tell me, any takers for my heart as of yet?
"Nope..yours is a bitter one Mr james, not many women want bitter these days, not even the ones that are confident they can change such"
I was a bit taken a back with the comments but moved on.."So can I see it?
"but of Course MR James, it is yours after all"
and with that she removed a medium sized Romeo y Julieta; cased in black velvet, cigar box. It was magnetic and seemed to pull me even closer to it, as I gazed upon the gold seal that secured it ""I am a lover and have not found my thing to love."
Everything in my body ached as took the box into my grasp, and held it close to my chest; the fears and tears streamed down my cheeks and onto the box as i pulled it away.
"hmmm it still has the same affect on you Mr James, even after so many years gone by. So why are you here again Mr James?
"I just wanted to hold it, to see...."
"To see what!
She came closer to me, and all at once as I recoiled back this little ol korean woman had my throat in her hands and was lifting me off the floor!
"You are here for what? To claim or just to amuse yourself? You remember what the deal was and what you must tender in order to obtain it Mr james ..don't you remember Mr James..you do know what I speak so speak..speak !!
"I will if you let go of my fucking throat..I managed to pull away from her grip..I know who I am, I am a man, who knows what love is and what it is not; who has learned the hard way to love without fear and most of all to acknowledge it and not dismiss it."
"So you have grown since we last met..hmmm do you still break hearts mR james?
"I am no heart breaker, but I have broken hearts not intentionally mind you and I have made amends for such, I cannot help who loves me even though I may make it quite clear that I am not ready for such. yet it happens none the less"
"Many lessons u seem to have learned since the last time, but also many women Mr James..many women too"
"Ms Choi, i am a man, and a single man at that. I do have needs, and even given into the temptation of the flesh, I still know enough not to promise women all that I cannot give; not to say the things they want to hear,I just put me out there and let them decide for their selves"
"hmm well then are you ready to tender mr james?
"The words you want to hear, i will not say, but I know them cause they are etched into my soul "Lonely is a man without love."
and with that I turned away and marched out of the door, I was glad that i could stand the strain of holding my heart again, and at the same time the utter dis belief that no one wanted such a heart.
I walked down the lonely alley, and turned to wave at Ms Choi and her granddaughter, as i turned i heard something that gave me hope...
'Grandma you lie so bad, you know that many women come in and inquire about the heart of Mr James, yet none know or have the correct tender for it. Even the one woman just yesterday had the correct tender but you denied her. Why why grandma do you protect this more than any other collectable?
the old woman paused as she watched me walk away, and then uttered some prophetic word indeed "The best proof of love is trust."
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